Episode 33: Marriage Matters: The Remedy for Defensiveness

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“Defensiveness is really like a cuss word in marriage!”

- Quinn Kelly

In today's episode, Quinn breaks down how to stop defensiveness by explaining the real reason we get defensive and better ways to respond to someone than jumping into a defensive stance. 


RENEW YOU’ SHOW NOTES:

Host Quinn Kelly highlights Romans 12:2 thinking by helping readers reflect on this thought:

The WORLD says this: "Stick up for yourself. Say what you need to say." 

But God’s WORD says this: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5


EPISODE NOTES AND OTHER RESOURCES/SCRIPTURES MENTIONED:

What to say when we haven't messed up:

 “I can see you are frustrated or upset and that is NEVER my intention! I want to make sure we end this with you feeling heard.”

 “I can see why it would look like that from your side. Can I please take a moment to explain the where I’m coming from?”

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/repentance-vs-defensiveness/

Tips by: Gavin Ortlund

"A defensive heart says, “But look at what I did right!” (diversion)
A repentant heart says, “Here is what I did wrong.” (honesty)

A defensive heart says, “But look at what was done to me!” (distraction)
A repentant heart says, “Here is how I contributed to the conflict.” (ownership)

A defensive heart says, “It wasn’t that bad.” (downplaying)
A repentant heart says, “It was a big deal.” (admission)

Listen to the Song: Rude by Magic!


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